Sunday, August 10, 2014

More on the Inequities of Life

It's not fair!

My humans are always stuffing their fat faces. I've sat by patiently watching as they spend hours preparing food. They've been known to take more than an hour sitting in a circle eating food.

I am just a sweet innocent little doggie who has never done any harm to anyone who happens to love eating as much as the next critter.

But as I watch my humans spend hours upon hours hoarding over their food I cannot help but think of the injustice of it all.

The humans might spend as much as two hours on their eating.

I consume my morning kibble bowl in under twenty seconds and my evening bowl in the same time.

If I am lucky I might get to snatch a few treats flying through the air. But it takes under a second to snarf down a treat.

Now, here is what I am getting at. My humans get over an hour or more working on food. Me, the sweet innocent little doggies only gets about a minute of eating.

Now, I happen to love food. I really do. I love food.

Now, just think of the injustice. I get under a minute a day for my food. That's twenty seconds in the morning, twenty seconds in the evening and a second a piece for snack size treats.

My humans log over an hour a day preparing and eating their food.

Clearly, there is an injustice here.


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

My Human Wants to Kill Me

My human wants to kill me.

He's been vacillating between threats to send me to the pound or simply taking me out into the woods with a revolver.

Personally, I think what I did was incredibly cute.

We were on our daily walk in the dog park. Some boys were playing baseball. One of the boys had set his iPhone next to a post.

The iPhone smelled interesting; so I started doing what a dog does naturally: I began pooping on the iPhone.

My human jumped at me and with force that is unbecoming a human disrupted my natural bodily flows. He heaved my rump away from the iPhone then cleaned it with his shirt.

One the way home, my human talked about giving me away. Sending me to the pound or just taking me out and shooting me.

I think he was serious.

Humans are a dull and brutish species. My human is especially dull and especially brutish.

But this is all I can write at the moment. I am scared about what my human will do to my iPhone in response to the activities of this evening's walk; so I am off to bury my phone in a place where my human can't find it.

xoxo
Coco

Monday, June 30, 2014

Short a Human

I appear to be a human short.

I count the humans every night before I go to sleep. Both the count and the smell of the den is off.

The missing human is short with greyish hair and answers to the name "granny."

If you see a human that answers to that description please give a bark.

The doggies in my neighborhood all all good at relaying important barks.

BTW: I asked one of my spare humans to call granny's cell phone. When he called the cell phone a detached voice said: "The number you have just reached is not in service." The message makes absolutely no sense. If the number is not in service, then I did not reach it. n-est-ce-pas?

But very little the humans do make sense.


Wednesday, March 19, 2014

A Belated Happy Saint Patick's Day

I've been remiss in by blog posting duties.

Saint Patrick's Day is one of the most important holidays in the human tradition that comes around once every seven dog years. My humans celebrate the event by dining on corned beef and cabbage.

I am not all that sure about cabbage. It doesn't smell like food to this little doggie, but Corned Beef ... now that is something that is fall of the bone yummy.

The way my humans like to eat corned beef is in carefully cut slices with just a dollop of mustard and horse radish sauce on the side.

I like to eat corned beef by waiting until the human walks out of the room to get a can, pulling the corned beef straight off the platter on the counter and eating the large chunk of corned beef on the floor in a 30 second snarf fest.

Yep, snarfing two pounds of meat in 30 seconds is the best way to eat any meal.

Speaking of humans. My humans are exceedingly cruel beings who drag innocent little doggies across the room make the little innocent doggie who has never done any harm to anyone look at the empty platter on the floor as if the doggie should feel some deep seated guilt by looking at a empty platter.

I am thinking of calling ASPCA because what they did to me was cruel.

But it is the season of Saint Patrick's and the spirit of the Irish has filled this doggy with happiness ... despite the cruelty of my humans. I am feeling satiated and full and will simply sit here and enjoy the season.

My name is Coco. I am a good doggie ... a good and very full doggie.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Unconditional Love

Coco told me this while on a walk:

"Human, if you give me that treat in your hand; I will love you unconditionally."

Saturday, December 14, 2013

A Little Cajun Cooking

Today was a good day.

For lunch I had an Andouille Sausage. This is a smoked pork sausage that is actually of German Origin although it has become popular in Cajun cooking.

I find the sausage is a bit spicy for a whole meal and would prefer it mixed in with my kibbles. But a doggie has to take what the doggie can get from the counter top when the humans aren't looking.

Speaking of humans, I wonder what my humans will eat tonight? It better not be my kibbles. I will bark at them if they try eating my kibbles.

Coco,
The Dog