Saturday, July 25, 2009

Fundamental Transformation

I read an interesting observation that it took the president four weeks to choose a dog, but that he expects a permanent fundamental transformation in Health Care to go down in two weeks.

The observation makes sense to me.

A human/dog relationship is a very important thing. In choosing a dog, the human must take invenorty of himself and carefully weigh his temperment against the temperment of different breeds.

Us dogs, we come in different breeds to help humans find the right one to adopt and care for.

A hasty decision in choosing a dog is likely to lead to the ugly situation where it is necessary for the dog go bite the human.

Political change, on the other hand, is all about subterfuge and strategy and is best handled in dark dimly lit spaces little public scrutiny.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Coco, How Hot Is It?

It is so hot, a doggie wants to extend its big red tongue to maximum length and pant harder than a steam locomotive climbing a steep grade.

It is so hot that a doggie wants to skulk from shade tree to shade tree along the trail.

It is so hot a doggie wants to scratch at a smell in the lawn and roll with abandon.

It is so hot that a doggie wants to sit in a muddy spot at the playground.

It is so hot that a doggie wants to drink a whole Frisbee full of water. Tinkle. Then drink again.

It is so hot that a doggie would prefer to stay in the shade under a tree to running and fetching the Frisbee.

It is so hot that a doggie would prefer to stay in the spot under the cool air conditioner to greeting granny when she comes to the door.

It is so hot that a doggie wants to bite at the stream of water coming from the hose as granny waters the flowers.

It is so hot that a doggie wants to throw itself into the cool rushing water of a brook.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

SatScenes

Today I instructed my human to take me on a walk up Neff Creek Canyon to get some photos for the SatScene Project. The calendar in the dog world is a little bit different than the calendar in the human world. Our weeks have only one day, and that day is Saturday.

If my human did this right; you should be able to click on the picture to see a large view, then click the large view to get back to this post.




Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A Wise Pupsida

As the human world engages in a confirmation hearing for a Supreme Court Justice, I think many of my readers may be interested to learn that my mother was a famed jurist.

Her name was Coco-mayor.

She was famous for the statement that "given the same set of facts, a wise pupsida judge is likely to come to a better conclusion than a human judge."

Of course, that statement wasn't all that controversial because it is obviously true.

I mean, look what humans eat! Humans think that bananas are a form of food. Bananas are not food. Would you trust the judgment of a species that eats bananas?

Raised in a legal litter, I have always been fascinated with the law.

As a puppy I chewed up several Nancy Drew books, and I instructed my humans to watch reruns of Perry Mason.

I've discovered that humans have several misconceptions about the history of law. Many human scholars trace the development of the Western legal tradition through the Judeo-Christian tradition.

Dogs know that the real rule of law began millennia before in wolf packs.

In ancient days, wise bands of wolf judges would form a pack court then go out on the savannah and hunt down herds of various game species. They would try and find the weakest members of the herd guilty of running too slow (a crime punishable by becoming dinner).

The ancient forests would be filled with the howls "You've been tried, and found tasty."

Anyway, I've enjoyed watching the confirmation hearings on TV all day. Humans in the halls of power seem much like a dog pack. It appears that they spend most of their day sniffing each other, while growling at members of the other pack.

Monday, July 13, 2009

A True Observation



I sniffed out an interesting truth at the dog park.

One of the most lucrative professions in the human world is the cosmetic surgeon. Even a second rate cosmetic surgeon will make millions each year as humans strive to find a way to cover perceived imperfections.

Conversly, the lowest paid profession is cosmetic surgery for dogs.

What is such a person supposed to do?

How can one improve on the chiseled visage of a dog's mug?

How can one improve on the perfection of nature?

PS: Of course, us dogs have never really understood the concept of cosmetic surgery. At the dog park there is a poodle whose human works in the business. One day the poodle brought a big pile of before and after pictures.

It was unamimous. Us dogs, we all preferred the before shots.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

PSA for Cats

cat claws

I've received criticism that my blog is a bit too canine centric.

As I am a dog, I tend to view the world from a canine perspective; However, I wish to emphasize that I am deeply concerned with the wellbeing of all creatures.

I work myself ragged each day fetching Frisbees and doing chores for man. On the humanitarian front I work diligently to promote issues of importance to the small critters of the world.

I am even deeply concerned about the wellbeing of cats.

Yes. That's right. Even despite the fact that I was kidnapped by cats, I look beyond the innate evilness of cats and promote issues of importance to the cat population.

Today I wish to examine a health care issue that is unique to cats.

The species of cats suffer from some sort of bizarre genetic mutation that causes them to have really sharp claws that retract.

These retractable claws are the source of a number of cat diseases that take the lives of scores of kitties each year. The list includes horrendous infected suppurating sores of the claw, cancer of the claw, broken infected claws.

Claws cause hundreds of billions of dollars each year in damaged draperies and sofas as cats try to deal with the unending pain caused by having retractable claws. Not only do claws cause great pain to cats and damage to furniture, cat claws are an infectious vector which spread interspecies diseases including the debilitating cat scratch fevers.

The claws of cats are malformed. They have a curved shape that makes it really easy for cats to climb up trees. But the claws are unidirectional and it is really difficult for them to get back down from trees.

Each year fire departments around the world spend the bulk of their budget pulling cats out of trees.

My friend Spot (the Dalmation) has a cousin Vinny who is the mascot for a fire department. Spot told me that Vinny went to a Fire Dog convention where one of the other fire dogs recounted the following conversation:

Crewman: "Hey chief. We just got a call. The elementary school is on fire. Maybe we should get on it."

Chief: "That's unfortunate. I received a call to pull a cat out of a tree."

Crewman: "Well, my kid is in that school. Maybe we should [explicative removed] the cat and save the kids."

Chief: "I'd like to. But we always answer calls in the order received."

Crewman: "Well, maybe we should send a few people down to open the door of the burning elementary school."

Chief: "Nope, we will need the whole crew to save the cat."

Crewman: "Darn, I really am going to miss that kid. If only there were some way to prevent cats from climbing trees ..."


Yes. It is sad to think of all the lives lost when firefighters are called out to pull cats out of trees instead of saving people from fires.

But there is hope. There is a very simple procedure that can solve this problem, save the billions of dollars spent replacing sofas, and save the cat population the terrible pain and diseases associated with claws.

The procedure is called declawing.

And, I, Coco the Dog, out of pure canine altruism, am a solid advocate of charitable efforts to declaw the cats of the world.

Cats need to be declawed. It is for their own good. I strongly believe that subsidies for declawing cats be included in any healthcare reform bill.

You may also be interested in my public service work to raise awareness of the importance of spaying or neutering cats.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Cheerios

CheeriosToday's post would be humorous; if it weren't so pathetic.

Anyway, dogs have a contract with humans that states (quite clearly, I might add) that humans were put on the planet to feed dogs.

The contract is clear about the feeding of dogs. The problem is that the contract isn't quite as clear on exactly what humans should feed dogs. When we signed the contract, we assumed the humans would be feeding us bison, elk, salmon, whale and other yummy things.

Humans, it turns out, are lazy and cunning and try to get away with feeding dogs non foods.

In the picture to the right, my human had the temerity to toss me doughnut shaped bit of rolled oats as if such a thing were food.

He tossed the little "O" shaped morsel in the same way that he tosses treats; However, I saw in mid air that the thing was not a piece of food. It was a piece of non-food shaped in the topological form of a torus.

Rather than chomping down on the O, I instinctively averted my snout and thing landed on my back.

I was not fooled. The picture is proof of my wisdom.

It is sad though. The humans think that if they give the doggies non-foods, they will be able to keep all of the real foods for themselves.

It is actually quite pathetic. My human makes great show of eating all sorts of non-foods in a concerted effort to fool me. My human will fill a whole bowl full of these "O"s then just in an effort to convince me they are food.

My human has tried to convince me that a number of inanimate objects are foods including: carrots, bananas, tofu, lettuce, zucchini, olives, etc..

It doesn't take even half a sniff to know an olive is not food

Of course, some of the things humans give me don't smell like food, but are food.

They gave me a hunk of watermelon. I was absolutely convinced it was not food. They put it on my tongue and coaxed me to shut my mouth. My whole snout exploded with cool watery goodness. Although the watermelon itself is not really food, the watery goodness makes it a snout full of pleasure.

When the weight of one's tongue is greater than the weight of one's brain, an explosion of watery goodness is something wonderful to behold.

One time they gave me a little bowl with a non-food strawberry in it. They also placed a tiny piece of sponge cake and a dollop of whip cream in the bowl.

I knew the strawberry wasn't food. But I ate the whole concoction and there was this wonderful dancing of super sour and super sweet on my tongue.

In conclusion, one cannot trust humans. They try to fill our doggie tummies with non-foods while keeping all of the steaks and wild game to themselves.

Dr. Wysong, please save me!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Dogs of Service



This is a picture of me at the Service Dog Memorial at the Utah State Capitol Building. I visited the memorial on July 4th, 2009.

As it was the Fourth of July, I donned red scarf and used my blue leash with stars.

Standing next to a gigantic five foot high statue of a service dog was unnerving at first. But I am incredibly brave and calmed down for the picture.

I see myself as a service dog.

In addition to blogging, I do all sorts of important service type things ranging from waking granny in the morning to fetching the frisbee. I once found the frisbee despite its being really welll hidden.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Trip to the Capitol

July 4th, 2009 marks the 233rd birthday of the United States.

Thats 1631 dog years.

These have been some of the best dog years in the history of the planet.

To celebrate the event, I instructed my human to take me on a walk on the grounds of the Utah State Capitol where people just happened to be throwing a Tea Party.

I've placed pictures of the event below.

Coco visits the Capitol - Coco at the Tea Party - Mormon Battalion Monument

Friday, July 3, 2009

Common Scents

Glenn Beck has a super-duper best seller called Common Sense. My human says he will give me treat if anyone buys the book through his overstock link.

I do all sorts of demeaning things for treats.

It is embarrassing.

Anyway, Glenn Beck has some sort of "Power to the people" thing going with his book and TV show. Mr. Beck simply believes that the free market is the best way to give real substantive power to the people.

I don't know about this Beck character. I am, after all, a dog. My primary concern is the dog world.

In the dog world we don't use Common Sense. Instead, dogs have common areas where we make scents. This approach is called "common scents."

For examnple, we might select a power pole in the dog park. Each time a dog passes the power pole, the dogs will leave a scent mark. This way all of the dogs can find out what's going on just by sniffing around the pole.

It is kind of like blogging, but without a keyboard.

Anyway, Glen Beck says "Power to the People." To find out what the dogs say read the post on sloganeering.