Monday, September 28, 2009

On Design Principles

Fast is better than tall.

I am Coco, a fast dog, I approve this message typed by my tall human.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Five Second Rule

The five second rule is an important part of hygiene that applies in both the dog and people world.

This rule states that if you drop something and can pick it back up before counting to five, then it is still good.

After all, it takes five seconds for a germ to get on something.

This important rule applies to both people and dogs.

Dogs, though, have the advantage that we don't know how to count to five. When us doggies see food on the ground. We pretty much assume that no dog has ever counted to five. No germs woudl have had a chance to get on the food. So, we eat it.

A second part of the five second rule is the first come first serve provision. So, if a human drops something on the ground and the dog gets to it first, it belongs to the dog even if the human has not counted all the way to five.

My name is Coco. I am a dog, and I approve this message.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Man Bites Dog

At the dog park the other day, I met a great dane who suffered the indignity of having a human bite its ear.

The ear was all floppy and off center because a person bit it.

What is this world coming to?

Friday, September 4, 2009

Chewing on the Laces of the Law

In my last post, I brought up the point that I happen to have a lawyer.

His name is Doug.

With Cass Sunsteen as the new regulatory czar, there is a lot of talk about the legal rights of animals.

I find that the best way to keep regular is to have multiple walks a day. So, I am really excited about having a regulatory czar interested in my rights.

Now, the dog/human contract says that I am to get three walks a day. I am to get that along with three big bowls of kibbles, treats for being good and belly rubs on demand.

Quite frankly, I think my humans have been lax on the three walk a day thingy. At times I think that, if I knew how to count, they would be in big, big trouble on the walk deficiency.

I am not sure if my having a lawyer has helped me in the dog walking equation. Some times, my evening walk comes late, and I am about ready to burst when we get to to dog park.

Here's the thing. Having a lawyer only really helps if one is willing to use that lawyer. I am such a good little doggie that I spend most of my doggie time trying to smooth things out in the pack that I often forget about myself and my own needs.

Perhaps it's just me being silly, but on the rare occasions that I see my lawyer, I simply jump up and down on him and chew at his shoelaces instead of engaging in more serious conversations about my rights as a dog and the responsibilites that humans have toward their dog.

I hope my humans read this blog and chew on the walk deficit in my life. I hope that my lawyer Doug drops by some day so that I can can chew on his shoe laces.

I wander if Cass Sunsteen has a little doggie who chews on his shoe laces.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Dogs of Law

Cass Sunstein, the Regulatory Czar in the Obama Administration, advocates that pets be allowed to sue their owners.

The Good Lord knows that pet owners simply don't do enough for their pets. We don't get enough kibbles, we don't get enough walks and humans don't scratch the right places. My human is simply an awful frisbee tosser ... especially when it is windy.

Wind doesn't affect my running ability. So ... tell me human ... why should it affect your Frisbee tossing ability?

Unfortunately, I've learned that being a dog in a pack of humans, one simply has to learn to deal with human faults and foibles.

As it turns out. I already have a lawyer.

My lawyer's name is Doug.

Doug is a pretty good lawyer at that.

When I was a puppy, I thought that having a lawyer was going to be all wonderful. As I look back on my doggie life I realize that having a lawyer isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

I haven't had more walks, and I am still on starvation rations of only three bowls of kibbles a day.

Much as I dream of it, I have yet to have the opportunity of eating by body weight in bison.

Meanwhile, my lawyer has turned out much like all the other humans in my life. He spends most of his day at his job, working on his house, his jeep or straighting out the rocks in his yard.

Sometimes Doug walks by and I an can see him from by little perch by the front window, under the drapes. I bark. He barks back.

Overall, I've found that having a lawyer doesn't seem to get me any more bones or treats or walks or the things that really matter to this little brown doggie.

As the lawyers for pets are still humans first it is unlikely that they will truly improve the pet condition.

Even worse, humans are very indiscriminate. Lawyers for dogs makes since. But imagine the chaos that would ensue if there were lawyers for cats.

Long ago, back in the day of first dog, canines throught about creating a breed of dog lawyers. First dog, first wolf and first coyote studied judicial philosophy then set out to create the perfect dog lawyer.

They came up with a species of canine known as the jackal.

Attempts to depend on jackals for legal advice proved unfounded. So the members of the canine family decided that we are better off just barking at eachother than depending on a professional class of lawyers.