Wednesday, January 28, 2009

About Canines

Coco is wise. Feel free to submit questions to Coco.

This question came from a user named "Anonymous Coward."

Q: Why are puppies classified as K9s?

Coco answers: Because humans couldn't handle k10s.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Don't Fix What's Not Broke

Coco is wise in the ways of the world.

Wisdom is not only about knowing what to do, but knowing what not to do.

For example, Coco says that: If it's not broke, don't fix it.

Trying to fix something that isn't broke only makes it worse.

Coco says that, when she was a puppy, she wasn't broke, but her humans took her to the vet to get her fixed.

Having been fixed, she doesn't feel that she's been improved. She feels that she is missing something.

Coco notes that, in her lineage, she is the first one to get fixed.

Dogs can remember all that happened in their lineage from first dog. Coco remembers that, in the lineage between first dog and Coco, none of the dogs had been fixed. They all seemed to work well without being fixed.

After a great deal of deliberation, Coco has decided that she doesn't want her puppies to get fixed.

Speaking of puppies, Coco asks: "Where do they come from? I've been expecting a litter to show up. But they haven't."

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Zen of Frisbie

Picture of Coco

In the game of fetch, one must become one with the frisbie.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Parable of the Unchased Cat

Dogs impart wisdom through Aesopian tales. Coco recounted for me the parable of the unchased cat.

Once upon a time there was a cat that needed chasing.

Cats need chasing for their own good.

Dogs saw that the cat needed chasing, but were unable to chase the cat because the dogs were on leashes.

The dogs saw the cat sitting on a porch, needing chasing.

They saw the cat sitting under a pickup truck, needing chasing.

They even saw the cat in the middle of the street, needing chasing.

The cat clearly needed chasing in the worst way possible, yet the cat went unchased.

The dogs would tug at their leashes.

The dogs would make desperate lunges at the cat only to be choked by rope and collar.

Thus did the dogs suffer mightily in their altruistic effort to see that the cat had a good chasing.

The chasing never happened.

One day, the cat was sitting on the hood of a car. As the cat hadn't been chased, it was sitting there all snooty and catlike thinking nothing bad could ever happen.

Then, an eagle swooped down and snagged it.

The end.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

On Cat Heaven

Coco is wise and shares the wisdom of the great dog theologians.

Dog theologians hold that there must be a great reward for cats that can overcome their inner cat wickedness. This place would be called cat heaven.

In our last posts we learned that dog heaven and cat hell are the same place.

The converse is also true. Cat heaven would be dog hell.

Now, here's the sweet part: Since cats are all snooty and standoffish, they've set things up so that there are no dogs in cat heaven.

As "heaven and hell" is an mutually exclusive proposition, we can conclude that since there are no dog's in cat heaven, i.e. dog hell; then there are no dogs in dog hell.

Therefore, all dogs must go to heaven.

Sweet deal, eh?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Coco on Cat Hell

Coco expands on the observation that dog heaven and cat hell is the same place:

In dog heaven there are self propelled furry chew toys that make little meowing sounds. In dog heaven, the chew toys never wear out.

In cat hell, one is subjected to unending, bone crunching torment for eternity.

Hence, dog heaven and cat hell are one in the same.

PS: those questioning the innate evilness of cats should ask: Why are there cats that look like Hitler?

Kitlers, they call 'em.

Coco is wise. She knows instinctively that cats need to be chased.
© flame by sandsun

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Divine Paradox

Coco is wise in matters of both this world and the next.

Coco says that one of the greatest paradoxes of the beyond is that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell is the same place.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Poly Dyslexia

Coco is wise in the ways of this world and of the next.

Coco watches with dismay the confusion of humans. Coco says that many of the problems in the human world seem to rise from dyslexia.

People confuse the worship of "God" with the worship of "dog".

Both are necessary and good, but have fundamentally different form.

One should fear God for what God might do in the there after. One should fear dogs for what they might do in the here now.

There is also a difference in multiplicity. The worship of God is best done in the singular. In such worship, one recognizes the oneness of truth. This system of worship is called monotheism. Monotheism stands in contrast to polytheism in which there is a confused conflict between multiple truths.

Dogs, on the other paw, like to run in packs and should be worshiped as the plural: "dogs."

The multiplicity runs deeper than the pack. It so happens that the snouts of dogs are full of sharp, bone crunching teeth. The worship of dogs is thus referred to as "polyteethism."

Monoteethism makes no sense. A monoteethist would have just one tooth.

It is paradoxical like the sound of one hand clapping.

One tooth chewing isn't going to satisfy even a chihuahua sized hunger.

So, in the worship of God, one is seeking the truth. In the worship of dogs, one is fearing the tooth. The worship of one God is called monotheism. The worship of dogs is called polyteethism.

Coco is wise in the way of the world, and will impart more of her dog wisdom tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Wisdom of Coco

Coco is wise beyond her dog years. This blog will contain the kibbles of wisdom as barkken by Coco, and translated from dog into human by her manservant Kevin.