Handling Pesky Hairballs

My human has his knickers in a knot over this health care thing.

It is affecting me, the dog, because he cut my walk short to twitter on the issue.

His take is that the problem in healthcare goes deeper than the government v. private insurance spat which dominates the media. He believes the problem comes from people surrendering the funding of their care to third parties.

My human advocates an idea called a Medical Savings and Loan. This program adds an interest free loan to a medical savings account. My human says the MS&L gives people ability to fund their own healthcare needs with great leeway.

BTW, my human gave me a treat for mentioning his site.

Personally I see no problem with having groups relinquish their care to third parties.

I, myself, have been a strong advocate of having cats relinquish their care to dogs.

I've received a great deal of acclaim in the dog park for my Public Service Announcements regarding cat health. Those claws of theirs cause all sorts of problems and should be removed.

So, while on the subject of health care, I thought I would bring up other important cat health issues.

Felines, as they are known among scientifically inclined dogs, have a narcissistic preoccupation with grooming. This grooming obsession leads to a health conditional called hairballs.

Cats spend all day sitting there all snooty and catlike licking themselves. This excessive preoccupation with grooming clearly shows that cats don't have the proper perspective to be charged with their care.

Dogs have a transcendental perspective which means that they are better positioned to know what is good for the kitties. They can see cats for what they really are ... the little hairballs.

A minor case of hairballs results in coughing or hacking. Serious cases can lead to serious digestive problems or even death.

As an objective third party who sees what is best for kitties, I find that the best way of treating those pesky little hairballs is a simple procedure called spaying or neutering. Yes, we could get rid of our hairball problems once and for all if we simply spayed all the cats.

Anyway, this is my post of the day. I hope that I have convinced my readers that an objective third party is often in a better position to determine the good for a population than the population itself.

My human is foolish in his disagreement with the direction of health care. Just as dogs are positioned to know what is best for cats, the federal government is best positioned to know what is good for individual people.

PSA for Cats

I've received criticism that my blog is a bit too canine centric.

As I am a dog, I tend to view the world from a canine perspective; However, I wish to emphasize that I am deeply concerned with the wellbeing of all creatures.

I work myself ragged each day fetching Frisbees and doing chores for man. On the humanitarian front I work diligently to promote issues of importance to the small critters of the world.

I am even deeply concerned about the wellbeing of cats.

Yes. That's right. Even despite the fact that I was kidnapped by cats, I look beyond the innate evilness of cats and promote issues of importance to the cat population.

Today I wish to examine a health care issue that is unique to cats.

The species of cats suffer from some sort of bizarre genetic mutation that causes them to have really sharp claws that retract.

These retractable claws are the source of a number of cat diseases that take the lives of scores of kitties each year. The list includes horrendous infected suppurating sores of the claw, cancer of the claw, broken infected claws.

Claws cause hundreds of billions of dollars each year in damaged draperies and sofas as cats try to deal with the unending pain caused by having retractable claws. Not only do claws cause great pain to cats and damage to furniture, cat claws are an infectious vector which spread interspecies diseases including the debilitating cat scratch fevers.

The claws of cats are malformed. They have a curved shape that makes it really easy for cats to climb up trees. But the claws are unidirectional and it is really difficult for them to get back down from trees.

Each year fire departments around the world spend the bulk of their budget pulling cats out of trees.

My friend Spot (the Dalmation) has a cousin Vinny who is the mascot for a fire department. Spot told me that Vinny went to a Fire Dog convention where one of the other fire dogs recounted the following conversation:

Crewman: "Hey chief. We just got a call. The elementary school is on fire. Maybe we should get on it."

Chief: "That's unfortunate. I received a call to pull a cat out of a tree."

Crewman: "Well, my kid is in that school. Maybe we should [explicative removed] the cat and save the kids."

Chief: "I'd like to. But we always answer calls in the order received."

Crewman: "Well, maybe we should send a few people down to open the door of the burning elementary school."

Chief: "Nope, we will need the whole crew to save the cat."

Crewman: "Darn, I really am going to miss that kid. If only there were some way to prevent cats from climbing trees ..."

Yes. It is sad to think of all the lives lost when firefighters are called out to pull cats out of trees instead of saving people from fires.

But there is hope. There is a very simple procedure that can solve this problem, save the billions of dollars spent replacing sofas, and save the cat population the terrible pain and diseases associated with claws.

The procedure is called declawing.

And, I, Coco the Dog, out of pure canine altruism, am a solid advocate of charitable efforts to declaw the cats of the world.

Cats need to be declawed. It is for their own good. I strongly believe that subsidies for declawing cats be included in any healthcare reform bill.

You may also be interested in my public service work to raise awareness of the importance of spaying or neutering cats.

Important Kitty Video

I (Coco the dog) approve of the following video and the good work of the Rocky Mountain Alley Cat Alliance of Denver.

Enhanced Performance

Coco is wise. She says that exercise is important; However, there is merit in taking time out to watch the top athletes in the field; So, she instructed her human to cut her walk short, open a beer and watch The Puppy Bowl.

This year's Puppy Bowl featured a Halftime Kitty Show.

Coco says that the bark at the Tailgate party was that there were some strange smells coming from the kitty litter box just before the game.

The puppies fear that the kitties may have gotten into that funky weed before the game.

Yep, the Puppy Bowl may be rocked by a catnip scandal.

The shame. The shame. The shame.

The pet world is reliving the Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction."

Coco Says: "Just look at the way that the kitties swat at those balls on a string! They have to be on something!"

Below are highlights from Puppy Bowl IV. (You can buy the DVD at Discovery Channel Store.)



Coco's human keeps switching the channel to watch a human knock off of the puppy bowl. Someone needs to go out and design a remote control for paws.

The Parable of the Unchased Cat

Dogs impart wisdom through Aesopian tales. Coco recounted for me the parable of the unchased cat.

Once upon a time there was a cat that needed chasing.

Cats need chasing for their own good.

Dogs saw that the cat needed chasing, but were unable to chase the cat because the dogs were on leashes.

The dogs saw the cat sitting on a porch, needing chasing.

They saw the cat sitting under a pickup truck, needing chasing.

They even saw the cat in the middle of the street, needing chasing.

The cat clearly needed chasing in the worst way possible, yet the cat went unchased.

The dogs would tug at their leashes.

The dogs would make desperate lunges at the cat only to be choked by rope and collar.

Thus did the dogs suffer mightily in their altruistic effort to see that the cat had a good chasing.

The chasing never happened.

One day, the cat was sitting on the hood of a car. As the cat hadn't been chased, it was sitting there all snooty and catlike thinking nothing bad could ever happen.

Then, an eagle swooped down and snagged it.

The end.

On Cat Heaven

Coco is wise and shares the wisdom of the great dog theologians.

Dog theologians hold that there must be a great reward for cats that can overcome their inner cat wickedness. This place would be called cat heaven.

In our last posts we learned that dog heaven and cat hell are the same place.

The converse is also true. Cat heaven would be dog hell.

Now, here's the sweet part: Since cats are all snooty and standoffish, they've set things up so that there are no dogs in cat heaven.

As "heaven and hell" is an mutually exclusive proposition, we can conclude that since there are no dog's in cat heaven, i.e. dog hell; then there are no dogs in dog hell.

Therefore, all dogs must go to heaven.

Sweet deal, eh?

Coco on Cat Hell

Coco expands on the observation that dog heaven and cat hell is the same place:

In dog heaven there are self propelled furry chew toys that make little meowing sounds. In dog heaven, the chew toys never wear out.

In cat hell, one is subjected to unending, bone crunching torment for eternity.

Hence, dog heaven and cat hell are one in the same.

PS: those questioning the innate evilness of cats should ask: Why are there cats that look like Hitler?

Kitlers, they call 'em.

Coco is wise. She knows instinctively that cats need to be chased.

Divine Paradox

Coco is wise in matters of both this world and the next.

Coco says that one of the greatest paradoxes of the beyond is that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell is the same place.