Thursday, July 9, 2009

PSA for Cats

cat claws

I've received criticism that my blog is a bit too canine centric.

As I am a dog, I tend to view the world from a canine perspective; However, I wish to emphasize that I am deeply concerned with the wellbeing of all creatures.

I work myself ragged each day fetching Frisbees and doing chores for man. On the humanitarian front I work diligently to promote issues of importance to the small critters of the world.

I am even deeply concerned about the wellbeing of cats.

Yes. That's right. Even despite the fact that I was kidnapped by cats, I look beyond the innate evilness of cats and promote issues of importance to the cat population.

Today I wish to examine a health care issue that is unique to cats.

The species of cats suffer from some sort of bizarre genetic mutation that causes them to have really sharp claws that retract.

These retractable claws are the source of a number of cat diseases that take the lives of scores of kitties each year. The list includes horrendous infected suppurating sores of the claw, cancer of the claw, broken infected claws.

Claws cause hundreds of billions of dollars each year in damaged draperies and sofas as cats try to deal with the unending pain caused by having retractable claws. Not only do claws cause great pain to cats and damage to furniture, cat claws are an infectious vector which spread interspecies diseases including the debilitating cat scratch fevers.

The claws of cats are malformed. They have a curved shape that makes it really easy for cats to climb up trees. But the claws are unidirectional and it is really difficult for them to get back down from trees.

Each year fire departments around the world spend the bulk of their budget pulling cats out of trees.

My friend Spot (the Dalmation) has a cousin Vinny who is the mascot for a fire department. Spot told me that Vinny went to a Fire Dog convention where one of the other fire dogs recounted the following conversation:

Crewman: "Hey chief. We just got a call. The elementary school is on fire. Maybe we should get on it."

Chief: "That's unfortunate. I received a call to pull a cat out of a tree."

Crewman: "Well, my kid is in that school. Maybe we should [explicative removed] the cat and save the kids."

Chief: "I'd like to. But we always answer calls in the order received."

Crewman: "Well, maybe we should send a few people down to open the door of the burning elementary school."

Chief: "Nope, we will need the whole crew to save the cat."

Crewman: "Darn, I really am going to miss that kid. If only there were some way to prevent cats from climbing trees ..."

Yes. It is sad to think of all the lives lost when firefighters are called out to pull cats out of trees instead of saving people from fires.

But there is hope. There is a very simple procedure that can solve this problem, save the billions of dollars spent replacing sofas, and save the cat population the terrible pain and diseases associated with claws.

The procedure is called declawing.

And, I, Coco the Dog, out of pure canine altruism, am a solid advocate of charitable efforts to declaw the cats of the world.

Cats need to be declawed. It is for their own good. I strongly believe that subsidies for declawing cats be included in any healthcare reform bill.

You may also be interested in my public service work to raise awareness of the importance of spaying or neutering cats.

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