Sunday, May 17, 2009

Just Chillin'

Sometimes I wish my humans would just learn to lick their nose. Point their snout into the wind and chill.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Sleep Problems

I have to apologize for the lack of posts.

I've been suffering from some really wicked sleep problems of late.

My sleep problems have to do with these large pink things that inhabit my house.

Anyway, my house has sections of brown carpet. I happen to be a brown dog. I really like sleeping on the brown carpet because I blend in and feel safe.

So, I will be sleeping contently on the brown carpet in the door way. Invariably, one of the oafish pink humans will stumble along, trip over me, wake me up and ruin my sleep.

I am not sure if other dogs have as many problems with their humans as I have with mine. Humans are just so unpredictable that it is all but imppossible to get in a really good sleep.

Even worse. I will be sleeping comfortably in my chair. The big fat human will actually come and pick me up. Put me on the floor and sit in the chair.

I try sleeping during the day, but the little piece of sun I like to sleep in keeps moving. So every hour or so I have to get up to move back into the sun.

It is hard work being a dog.

I've had so many nights of sleep ruined by the humans that I am at wit's end.

I've started wondering if there was a medicine that could help with the sleep problems. I would appreciate advice on medicine to take for my sleep problems and, of course, I would appreciate advice on tricks to get the humans to take the medicine.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dog Recipes

NOTE FROM THE MANAGEMENT: This post is not for the faint of heart.

Sharing recipes is a favorite activity of bloggers; So, I thought I would share a few of my favorite recipes.

My name is Coco. I am a dog.

Wait a second. When you read the title for this blog post, I hope you didn't think this was a recipe for dog.

This is a collection of recipes by a dog.

Recipes for dog would be just plain wrong. Dogs are too important to go to waist.

Anyway, I though it would be fun to share my favorite recipes.

I am partial to wild game. I find the following recipe works for a variety of game from quail and deer, to antelope and bison. The steps are simple but versatile:

  1. See it.
  2. Kill it.
  3. Eat it.

A few species, such as moles, require special preparation. If you have mole on the menu, you will want to follow these steps:

  1. Sniff it.
  2. Dig it up.
  3. Kill it.
  4. Eat it.

On festive occasions you might want to include the whole pack in the "kill" step of the recipe. This is especially true when the main course is something really fast like an ibex or gazelle.

Chasing down an elk for a feast can really make a pack get together memorable.

The World is My Fondu Pot

Of course, on less formal occasions (or when I am dining alone), I find that any old dead thing will do.

So, if you are in a rush; you might enjoy the following recipe:

  1. Sniff it.*
  2. Eat it.

I put a little star next to the first step. On a very rare occasion, I sniff something that so horrifically foul smelling that I find the very idea of eating it nauseating.

In that rare case, I find I like to roll in it.

If you roll in something foul smelling, you should pee on it afterwards. That way all the other dogs can still figure out who you are.

It is advisable, but not necessary, to roll in something foul before engaging in the "kill" step of my first recipe. Many species of big game have an aversion to being killed. If they smell a dog behind a rock, they will move.

But, if they just get a whiff of a horrid putrescence behind a rock, they will be lulled into thinking that all is well.

I hope you enjoyed my recipes. I love to cook and be my own dog. But, I confess, I am a working dog. I spend most of my day contemplating the inner subtleties of dog philosophy. I also do very important work fetching Frisbees.

This hectic schedule reduces the time I have to do my own cooking.

To stave off starvation, I gathered together a small pack of humans. I've instructed the humans to give me three bowls of kibbles a day, plus scraps from the table, plus multiple handfuls of treats throughout the day.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Mother's Day Photos

As mentioned in the last post, I was separated from my biological mom at birth.

Being a wonderful creature at heart, I decided to take granny on a walk up Neff Canyon. I placed several photos of our adventure below.

There is water in Neffs during the Spring.

I worry alot about my dainty little paws getting wet when I come across water. When I get wet, I end up tracking mud and dirt in the car and take on a strange odor.

When I come to a stream, there is often a full 1/328th of a second where I consider the consequences of getting wet before diving in the water.

I've noticed that my humans seem to have a harder time accepting the inevitable that wetness happens. Here is a shot of Granny trying to keep her toes from getting wet.

Anyway, I put a few pictures from the walk below. There are also some pictures for flowers from granny's garden.

Coco With a Stick TulipsPoorly Designed StickCoco and StickWaterleafButtercup

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I Remember Mom

Happy Mother's Day!

Although we were separated as a pup, I still remember mom. She was the most glorious and wonderful doggie that I had ever known.

I was from a rather large litter, but she gave us each individual attention and special full body licks.

The thing I remember most about her was her size.

She was as big as a wall.

As big as a wall I tell you!

I've never met a dog as big as she was.

She was a big furry wall with these wonderful fountains of the most delicious tasting white liquid I ever tasted.

It was even better than a meaty bone.

There was so much going on back then that I kind of lost track of how we got separated.

I remember being with mom and with a big pile of other puppies. I remember clutchy grabby pink hands.

The next thing I remember was being all alone.

Sorrowfully alone.

I eventually had to gather together a pack of humans for survival. I've been in survival mode ever since.

Jealous that they never got to feel the love of a mommy dog, the humans engaged in a smear campaign against my mom.

One of the humans even went as far as to say my mom was a bitch!

Can you believe that?

How dare they compare my mom to a cranky woman!

I know, deep in my puppy heart, that my mom was the most wonderful dog ever.

So, wherever she is, I wish mom a Happy Mother's Day.

For that matter, I wish a Happy Mother's Day to all moms of the Mammalia Class ... regardless of of species.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Attention Imbalance

After my last post, I received a great deal of supportive mail from groups interested in the ethical treatment of animals.

Hoping to stem the tide of criticism the humans have decided to release a photo from the image. The following photograph shows my primary human sitting in my chair. As you notice, the munchkin size human is essentially monopolizing the attention of my primary human (the little bundle on the right).

You can see my water bowl and empty food bowl behind the head of the small human.

Yes, my food bowl is empty.

It is empty most of the time.

But what's a dog to do?