Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dog Recipes

NOTE FROM THE MANAGEMENT: This post is not for the faint of heart.

Sharing recipes is a favorite activity of bloggers; So, I thought I would share a few of my favorite recipes.

My name is Coco. I am a dog.

Wait a second. When you read the title for this blog post, I hope you didn't think this was a recipe for dog.

This is a collection of recipes by a dog.

Recipes for dog would be just plain wrong. Dogs are too important to go to waist.

Anyway, I though it would be fun to share my favorite recipes.

I am partial to wild game. I find the following recipe works for a variety of game from quail and deer, to antelope and bison. The steps are simple but versatile:

  1. See it.
  2. Kill it.
  3. Eat it.

A few species, such as moles, require special preparation. If you have mole on the menu, you will want to follow these steps:

  1. Sniff it.
  2. Dig it up.
  3. Kill it.
  4. Eat it.

On festive occasions you might want to include the whole pack in the "kill" step of the recipe. This is especially true when the main course is something really fast like an ibex or gazelle.

Chasing down an elk for a feast can really make a pack get together memorable.

The World is My Fondu Pot

Of course, on less formal occasions (or when I am dining alone), I find that any old dead thing will do.

So, if you are in a rush; you might enjoy the following recipe:

  1. Sniff it.*
  2. Eat it.

I put a little star next to the first step. On a very rare occasion, I sniff something that so horrifically foul smelling that I find the very idea of eating it nauseating.

In that rare case, I find I like to roll in it.

If you roll in something foul smelling, you should pee on it afterwards. That way all the other dogs can still figure out who you are.

It is advisable, but not necessary, to roll in something foul before engaging in the "kill" step of my first recipe. Many species of big game have an aversion to being killed. If they smell a dog behind a rock, they will move.

But, if they just get a whiff of a horrid putrescence behind a rock, they will be lulled into thinking that all is well.

I hope you enjoyed my recipes. I love to cook and be my own dog. But, I confess, I am a working dog. I spend most of my day contemplating the inner subtleties of dog philosophy. I also do very important work fetching Frisbees.

This hectic schedule reduces the time I have to do my own cooking.

To stave off starvation, I gathered together a small pack of humans. I've instructed the humans to give me three bowls of kibbles a day, plus scraps from the table, plus multiple handfuls of treats throughout the day.

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