Thursday, February 12, 2009

Alternative Lifestyles

Some fans have noted that I live a rather odd, alternative lifestyle.

I happen to be the alpha dog in a pack of beta humans.

When I was a puppy, I dreamt of living in a much more conventional pack. For that matter, when I met my good friend Lily, we had plans of running off and starting our own pack.

Lily? Oh, I can't believe that I forgot to mention Lily.

Lily lives down the street. She is short and tan with really thin fur. Lily is the absolute most fun loving creature in the world.

When we first met, Lily and I ran and ran in circles. We tumbled over each other. Got up, and then ran in circles the other way.

It was heaven.

We wore the snow off Lily's front yard. We then ran up and down the street.

It was so dreamy. We ran until we collapsed on each other.

Anyway, Lily and I planned to run off and start our own pack. We figured that, when we got hungry, we just go out and take down bison, moose or any of the other free food walking around in the great big world.

Taking down a bison … How hard could it be?

I saw a deer once. It was outside the window. This was in the middle of a moon lit snowy night.

I figure the trick to taking down a deer is avoiding the big rack of antlers.

I barked at it.

Anyway, Lily and I planned to start a pack. Our plans got all flummoxed when we failed to coordinate our escape.

She got out on a day when my humans had accidentally locked the door; So, I wasn't able to escape.

Lily spent several days out. When she got back, her humans didn't let me play with her as often. They knew our plan was to run away together.

Lily's humans probably wouldn't be able to survive without Lily.

My humans are the same way. I don't know what they would do without me. They need an alpha dog to protect them.

Did I tell you that I barked at the deer?

This story happened dog years ago. I still dream of running away and spending my days in a world full of doggies. In doggie heaven, the the found food will be plentiful and won't give me tummy aches like that thing I ate at the rest stop.

I hear one of my humans clanking my dinner bowl. So, I've got to go.

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