Under a Christmas Tree

The picture above shows me playing with my friend Alice under a Christmas Tree in the Wasatch Mountains.

Yep, it's snowing. But, as a ruff and tumble doggie, I've learned to shake off the snow. (Note, I compressed the shot to fit in the margins. Click on it to see the full picture.)

My favorite picture from this set is of a small snow covered Christmas Tree.

My human likes a picture of a snow covered Mountain Mahogany. Go figure?

Contract Signed with a Handshake

As a doggie traditionalist, I believe in honoring contracts sealed with a firm handshake.

When I first learned to sit and shake. We were infact agreeing to a contract in which the doggie would get seven snoutfuls of kibbles a day (interchangeable with an occasional slice of bison) and three walks a day.

I am deeply troubled to report that this doggie does not (I repeat) this doggie does not get all the walks and all the kibbles that she desires.

I only get three bowls of kibbles a day, and often only one walk. I repeat that. I often only get one walk.

This is unacceptable.

My name is Coco. I've lived up to my side of the contract. Human, now it is time for you to live up to yours!

Dear Sandy Paws

Dear Sandy Paws,

I've been a good doggie for these last seven dog years. I've barked at the things that need barking at and chased the things needing chased.

For Christmas I would like a puppy. I promise to share my food and water bowl with the puppy (assuming my humans start putting more kibbles in the bowl).

For the pack ... I would like a buffalo. I've always dreamed of the pack taking down a buffalo in the wild.

Yours truly,

Coco, the dog.

Pet Projects

My Human was all excited about this teaparty thing going on in politics, and even applauded the election of a few teaparty candidates.

I've learned that whenever the humans get excited about something, the doggies better watch out.

Anyway, the scuttlebut is that these teaparty candidates want to stop funding the pet projects of elected officials to save taxpayers money.

I happen to be a pet, and I like the idea of spending money on pet projects.

I am not one of those taxpayer thingies that my human likes so much.

So, I don't like what I am hearing about taking away from pet projects and giving the money back to these taxpayers.

I am almost to the point of saying the dogs should demand the right to vote.

Of course, voting is human work and us dogs don't stoop to human work.

Breaking the Flying Disc Habit

Doc told me to cut back on the frisbee.

Breaking a flying disc habit is easier said than done.

Not a full two days passed and I met a cute young pup playing fetch in the dog park. This pup was playing with an Aerobie Dogobie flying disk.

My human bought one of these this summer. We played with it once, then my human lost it. Can you believe that?

The Dogobie is the best flying disk I've used to date.

Anyway, since this two year old pup was new to fetch, I thought I should ignore the pain and so it how a real frisbee dog fetches frisbee.

After playing frisbee, we played a game of keep the frisbee away from the puppy. Then we played a game of chest buts with a round of my favorite game ... bitey face.

The doc may have me on a glucosomine regimine, but this still has what it takes to be the alpha dog in the pack.

Frisbee Fetching Days Are Over

Doc says my knees are shot, and that this little doggie's frisbee fetching days are over.

A lab is the best of all doggies. The one problem is that we suffer a genetic predisposition to arthritis.

In my puppyhood, I would jump for the frisbee so high that I thought I would never land again.

It was glorious.

Anyway, I went to the vet yesterday and got an x-ray. My humans thought I was limping because of my snake bite ... but I shook that off months a go. An x-ray showed damage around the knees. So, the doc put me on a regimen of Joint Support Plus with a megadose of Glucosomine.

I still run like the wind ... so I think I will concentrate on swimming and hikes in the woods.

Who knows, maybe with some physical training and rehab work, I will still be able to work in a frisbee fetch or two. So, I'm keeping the paws crossed and hoping for the best.

Christmas Cards

While, I got my Christmas cards all done and sent in the mail. This year I sent cards to Cash, Bono, Kyle, Archimedes and other doggie friends. I also sent cards to the nieces and nephews of my extended human pack. Human children seem to enjoy getting greetings cards ... from a dog.

This year I sent cards by 3D Paper Greetings. This company makes fun cards that fold out into a tree ornament. That's why i was in such a rush to send them out early.

My humans tend to put off sending cards until the last minute. BTW, I used coupon mysave10 to get a discount on the cards.

Groping for a Solution

As people grope for a solution to airport security, the National Defense Magazine points out that doggies have super duper sniffers.

As pointed out in the last post, us doggies actually like pat downs.

So, here's the deal. Why don't you give us dogs a go at it. We will sniff out your bombs for a tasty treat and occasional scratch behind the ears.

Yep, that will do it.

My name is Coco, and I am a dog.

Coco on the TSA

I don't know why the humans keep complaining about the TSA.

Quite frankly, I like it when a complete stranger gives me a pat down. I especially like it when the pat down includes scratching behind my ears.

I have really soft floppy ears. I think they are one of my best features.

I will often run up to strangers and tell them that they can pet me ... if they want.

So, instead of complaining about TSA, I think the humans should dog up, grow a thick fur, and learn to enjoy the petting.

A Test Turkey

This Thanksgiving, my human has been charged with the important task of cooking the Thanksgiving turkey for the extended pack.

Cooking the turkey is an important, but difficult task. Unfortunately, my human hasn't cooked a turkey in dog decades.

There are so many things that can go wrong with cooking the turkey, and if anything happens, Thanksgiving will be ruined ... utterly.

Realizing what's on the line, this little doggie has a wonderful idea.

The idea is a Test Turkey!

I think my human should cook a test turkey today.

The purpose of the test turkey is to hone up on turkey cooking skills.

My human is hesitant to cook a test turkey thinking the food might go to waste.

Well, this little doggie has an answer to that problem. I offer to eat it. I am such a wonderful little creature, that I promise to eat it even if my human makes a mistake cooking the turkey.

An Interspecial Pack

I live in an interspecial pack that includes both humans and a dog.

For the most part, this arrangement works out okay. The doltish humans are tall and can get the kibbles out of the cupboards.

However, as time goes on, I find the dog carrying more and more of the weight of the pack.

Just because one member of the pack has four legs, the pack thinks it can shoulder more of the burden.

Not that I am whining.

Okay, I am whining ... but I just think the humans should appreciate the dog more, and, like, maybe take it on a walk.

I am a rough and tumble doggie and the fact that it's snowing won't slow me down.

Signed,

CoCo, The Dog

Halloween Plans

Some of my fans asked me what I plan to wear for Halloween.

This year. I think I will dress up like a dog. Dogs have really scary canine teeth.

As for the trick or treat festivities. I think I will hide under the bed. Scary things hide under the bed. I might even make deep gutteral growling signs if trick-or-treaters come my way.

My name is Coco. I am a dog. I like Halloween because it's the time of the year I get to take my costume off and be myself.

On Wiki Leaks

Humans and dogs aren't all that different. Humans express their radical streak by leaking hundreds of thousands pages of confidential papers on WikiLeaks.

In the dog world, we use smells to mark territory. A doggie will express its radical thoughts with a wicked leak.

Ten Ten Ten

It's ten after ten on ten ten ten.

So, this little doggie decided to bark.

Humans Are So Cruel

I tried placing a report at PETA, but for some odd reason the dog-human translation software I use for this blog didn't work on their site.

Anyway, I wanted to report an act of cruelty directed at this puppy.

It involved humans gathering around the wrapper from a stick of butter on the floor and staring at the puppy with accusatory eyes.

I couldn't stand it and had to slink into a dark spot and curl up into a furry brown ball.

The experience was cruelty at its most extreme.

A Butter Popsicle

One way to save money is to buy butter in bulk at Costco and put it in the freezer. You can then take butter, a stick at a time, place it on the counter to thaw and use.

This process is known in the dog world as "A Butter Popsicle" ... a rich and yummy butter popsicle.

My name is Coco. I am a dog.

9/11 Toother

This little doggie is misunderstood. I am often accused of being a 9/11 Truther, when I am a 9/11 toother.

I think someone should gate up to the perpetrators of the 9/11 attacks and bite them square on the ankle.

That's what this little doggie would do.

ID Theft

I've been the victim of ID theft!

That's right. During my last walk, my ID disappeared.

Being an active dog, I've snapped off 4 dog ID tags so far, including the wonderful Saint Francis metal tag that granny adored.

The site DogIDs.com offers personalized dog collars. If you already have a collar, they offer personalized dog ID plates that you can rivet (or slip on) an existing collar.

Level Headed

If you want me to bark out the truth. Quite frankly, I think dogs are more level-headed than humans.

Why, my head is at the same level as my rump and my head is quite flat with a well proportioned pointy snout. my human is all tall with his head several feet over his rump.

It takes a lot of extra energy to pump blood up to those human brains, which could explain why dogs made more sense than humans.

Of course, if one takes this type of thinking to its extreme, one might falsely conclude that snakes must be smarter than dogs ... which is just plain silly. First snakes spend much of their day in coils where their heads are far above their rattly tails.

Some might compare cats and dogs.

At first glance cats might appear to be as level headed as dogs because their rumps are on the same level as their whiskers. But cats get up on counters and climb trees.

Cars are clearly up to no good when they climb trees like they do, and should be barked at.

My name is Coco. I am a level-headed dog.

Textually Confused

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The Pack Is Back

The pack is back. All humans are accounted for.

Humans just wander off at times. Someone should put a collar on 'em, or something.

Missing Human

This is a bit embarrassing. I count my humans every night and I seem to have come up a human short.

If you see a dazed looking human wandering around at night, it my be my missing human.

A Block of Cheese

A block of cheese is yummy.

Although it does a number on a doggie's digestive track. Personally, I prefer it when my humans leave out a brick of butter.

I wish my humans wouldn't get all accusatory about leaving empty packaging materials on the kitchen floor.

Surely, they don't expect the dog to eat the packaging as well.

My name is Coco. I am a dog ... a dog with a tummy ache.

Killyon Canyon

Earlier this week, I took a walk up Killyon Canyon (which is at top of Emigration Canyon). My human kept stopping to take pictures of wild flowers. But, what's a dog to do?

Favorite Spots

My favorite spot in the den is the warm little piece of carpet in front of the window.

My favorite spot in the running field is that cool little space under the shade tree.

My name is Coco, and I am a dog.

Coco Bites Back

To any of you dog biting bugs out there.

I want you to know that this dog bites back.

So, if you are flying around and think that furry little doggie just might be yummy, be warned, I will try to whack you with my tail or bite at you with my snout.

And when I bite a bug with my snout, that's pretty much it for the bug.

My name is Coco. I am a dog, and you can take this blog post to the bank.

Midsummer Howl

Today I felt so lonely I let loose with a long mournful howl.

What Happens in the Kennel

To Cash, Bono and Kyle,

As far as I am concerned: What happens in the kennel stays in the kennel.

End of post.

Minty Fresh

I found a big patch of wild mint and rolled in it.

I now smell minty fresh.

Unfortunately, my humans are unappreciative of the efforts I go through to keep up a strong smell. The simply note that my fur feels odd.

On the bright side, my human's lack of appreciation of a fine smell means that I get to go for a swim at the dog park!!!

Woof, Woof and away!

Happy Father's Day

Happy Fathers Day.

I never knew my pa.

That's the way it is with us dogs.

My ma said pa was really good at jumping over fences.

Fence jumping is one of those attributes that us dogs prize most. The first dog instructed the humans to construct tall fences so that us dogs could evolve strong fence jumping skills.

With each generation, us dogs get better and better at fence jumping.

Good fence jumping skills are what a dog needs to breed.

We also need really big cute looking eyes so that we can convince humans to feed us after breeding ... but that's a different post.

Like my pa, I am really good at fence jumping. I made it out of yard with a 8 foot high fence (with a 6 foot high gate).

Anyway, I thought I'd stand on the porch and give a bark out to pa ... if you are within barking distance.

Love Coco.

Picture Perfect Scene

There was a picture perfect scene outside the window of finches in a flowering garden.

Sorry about the lack of a photo. I sent my human off to get the camera to take the photo, but something scared the birds off before he had the camera set up.

I am not sure what would have scared them.

All I know is that my human needs to get faster at setting up the camera if he wants to take pictures.

In my day, I've come across quite a few wildlife scenes that would make great pictures.

Something keeps scaring the wildlife off.

I am not sure what that something is.

My name is Coco. I am a dog.

Traveling North

Sorry about the lack of posts. I've been traveling.

I am currently shacked up in an estate adjacent to the river in Salmon, Idaho.

This morning I rolled in a cow paddy.

I've been eyeing the Salmon River and hope to jump in it later on today.

Healthwise, my rear paw has been heeling up nicely, and I am very happy to be rid of the big yellow clublike bandage on my foot.

Nature Abhors a Vacuum

In my film debut, I put together a short performance piece titled: "Nature Abhors a Vacuum." I play the role of nature. The vacuum is animated by my lead human Gin.



I admit, I was really worried that I might forget my lines. I practice everytime my humans do the cleaning.

Flat Tire

I visited the vet. Sure enough, I am one toe nail short.

Once again, the vet stuck her finger in my rear end. She stuck me with two needles. Stuffed a pill down my throat, and then wrapped my rear paw in a big yellow bandage. What a crazy way to make a living!

Here are post vet photos: (Click to see images at 1024px x 640px resolution)

Broke a Nail

I broke a nail and it's thrown my whole game off.

I made an appointment with the vet. I had been wanting to get some heartworm medicine for the summer so that I can join in all the butt sniffing fun with the other dogs.

Leaping 20 Feet into the Air

Everyone knows that there's about seven dog years in a human year.

The same interesting conversion takes place in linear measurements. There's about seven dog feet in a foot of the English measurement system.

To avoid confusion, some writers call a dog's foot a "paw."

Writing does get confusing. I've been accused of exaggerating when I say that I jumped 20 feet into the air to catch the frisbee. 20 dog feet is about 3 feet in the English system.

Some of my best jumps are well over 20 feet, but my human is too doltish to do the measurements right.

New Dog Smell in the Air

That was fun.

A dog in the neigborhood started barking.

So we all started barking.

One doesn't realize how many dogs there are in the 'hood until they all start barking.

I was barking and running in circles and let loose with a few borderline howls ... it was so fun.

Part of the reason for the barking is that there is a new dog in the neighborhood ... one that I haven't directly smelled yet.

Anyway, I thought you would like to know what all of the barking was about.

That's enough for blogging today. I need to get back to my place by the window so that I can back some more.

Clothespins

What I dislike most about wash day is the clothespins.

Clothespins beat the socks off that scary blow dryer at the self serve dog wash.



(Note the picture above was the iStockPhoto.com photo of the week for 3/15/2010 titled Big Wash by Elena Vizerskaya. credits.)

On Doggie Duties

The primary job of dogs is to bring joy and happiness to the world.

This is a complex task. Us dogs figured that we would take on the assignment with a two prong approach:

The first prong is that we evolved into all around wonderful creatures.

The second prong is to lead by example. To do this, we have a really fun time running around the playing field. We jump really high to fetch the Frisbee and we roll in the snow with total abandon.

That's about it. We like eating … even if eating involves the same bowl of kibbles day after day. We enjoy sitting on laps … even though humans are lumpy.

Overall, I think the dog population does an admirable job being dogs.

My name is Coco. I am a dog and I approve this message.

A Naval Post

Loose lips sink ships.

Us doggies have about five times as much lip as humans. As a result, doggies have never been able to muster an effective navy.

Retriever v. Receiver

I took a lot of flack for yesterday's post on the Super Bowl.

I've sat at the foot of my human's recliner watching this so-called football game on TV. All I can say is the humans have the game completely wrong.

In football, a human called the quarterback throws a pigskin to a person called a receiver, who catches it. This part of the game makes sense to me. I am super good at jumping into the air and catching.

I realy love catching tasty things and a pigskin sounds tasty to me.

After catching the pigskin, the receiver tries running to an arbritrary line on the playing field called a goal.

That's where they get it wrong. I am a Labrador Retriever. What you are supposed to do is run back to the human who through the pigskin. I have an instinct for this type of thing. When the receiver runs towards the goal, it is being a bad human, just as i am being a bad dog when I run away with the Frisbee.

The humans in the other colored jerseys are correct in trying to knock down the bad human.

My name is Coco. I am a dog, and I approve this message. If you don't like it. Bite Me. I bite back and have bigger teeth.

Coco on the Super Bowl

Each time this year I am asked to give my opinion on the Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl has something to do with that strange light box that humans find so fascinating. I've spent far too many hours curled up at the foot of my human's recliner while watching that silly light box.

I conclusion, I happen to be a dog. I believe that I speak for most dogs when I say: "I prefer my supper bowl to the Super Bowl."

A Terrible Spell

I wish to break from the adventures of Coco the Dog to recall a fairy tale. We will return to Coco's barks of wisdom shortly:

Once upon a time in a magical kingdom far, far away there lived a beautiful young princess who was the pride and joy of the land.

When the princess was happy, the very earth would be bright and happy. Orange butterflies would flutter, and bright green frogs would jump from lilypad to lilypad.

The day of our story was a deep dark gloomy day full of bitter cold and rain.

The princess's fairy godmother saw that things were bitter and cold. She deduced that the princess must be sad and fluttered into the castle to find what made the beautiful young princess gloomy.

"What is wrong young one?" asked the fairy godmother.

"Oh, it is horrible," said the young princess. "The Princess Academy is having a spelling bee tomorrow and I am a terrible speller."

Now, the fairy godmother could fix any problem faced by the princess with a wave of her wand and a magical spell, but the fairy godmother was scared of the headmistress of the Princess Academy and usually hesitated when asked to perform a school related spell.

So, the fairy-godmother tried to appease the young princess by saying: "You are a princess. You don't need to spell. When you issue your dictates from the thrown, a court page who will spell all the words correctly. He has a magical spellchecker."

"But I don't want to have to having some stinking page thinking he is all better than me because I failed out of the first round of the spelling bee."

After a few minutes of chatting and a well orchestrated pout, the fairy godmother gave in to the princess's demand devised a spell so that the child would no longer be a terrible-speller.

The fairy godmother chanted the magical spell: "No longer a terrible-speller will you be when you step up to compete in the spelling bee."

A bunch of shiny silver stars shot from the fairy godmother's magic wand. They circled the princess's golden hair three times and entered her ears.

The princess's eyes brightened and a smile lit her face as she found that a magical dictionary with correct spelling and etymology would appear in her mind when she thought of a word.

To test the effectiveness of the magical spell, the Fairy Godmother tried several super hard words:

"Spell 'aggrandizement'"

The princess recited "A-G-G-R-A-N-D-I-Z-E-M-E-N-T" with authority.

"Spell 'psychoanalysis'"

The princess spoke the letters "P-S-Y-C-H-O-A-N-A-L-Y-S-I-S" with cheer then shouted with glee: "I am no longer a terrible-speller."

With that thought the clouds broke and sunshine sprinkled down from the heavens onto the kingdom in happiness.

The happiness and joy of the moment continued until the day of the big spelling bee.

When it came her time to spell a word, the princess simply remembered the chant of her fairy godmother: "No longer a terrible-speller will you be when you step up to compete in the spelling bee," and the magical dictionary would appear before her eyes and she would trounce all of her opponents.

The spelling bee went through eight rounds and gradually eliminated all of the competitors until the contest was down to just her and that nasty little boy in the seventh grade who was slated to become the court page.

(err, don't ask me why there was a boy in the princess academy. I didn't think through that part of the story)

Anyway, the princess confidently approached the spelling bee podium with the spelling-spell and magical dictionary in her mind.

A quirky smile lit on the headmistresses face and she commanded: "Spell the word 'terrible'!"

To the princess's dismay she found that the magic dictionary in her mind could not open.

The princess broke out in a fierce sweat and spoke: "T-E-R-I-B-L-E."

The audience gasped at the terrible spelling of 'terrible' and the princess realized that the wish she would no longer be a terrible-speller meant that, for her kingdom, she could not spell the word "terrible."

The headmistress smirked. "Since you are the princess of the land, I will give you a second change to spell 'terrible'."

The princess tried a second time (wishing she could tear up the magic spell) and spoke the letters: "T-E-A-R-A-B-L-E."

The children broke out in laughter.

"You should be kind," the young girl thought, then recited the letters "C-H-A-R-I-T-A-B-L-E."

But the laughter increased in both depth and scope.

How dare they laugh at me cried the princess and spelled "D-A-R-E-A-B-L-E."

Now the children were rolling on the floor in laughter.

The princess wished that she could fly away on a balloon and spelled ' D-I-R-I-G-I-B-L-E"

With that, even the peasants toiling away in the fields began to laugh.

The princess tried a dozen times to spell 'terrible,' but the magical enchantment that prevented her from being a "terrible-speller" meant there was one word she could never spell.

"N-E-V-E-R-A-B-L-E" she spelled out.

Her attempts to spell 'terrible' fell further and further from the mark until the headmistress stood up and threw the strictest glower ever thrown between a headmistress and student saying:

"And let this spelling bee serve as a lesson to you and your fairy godmother to never again use your magical powers to cheat in my school."

And with those sharp words, the princess crumbled with humility. The skies turned dark and gloomy and the people of the kingdom wallowed in misery ever after.

The End.

Yammering on Health Care

The humans are still yammering on health care. They don't really seem to know what to do about it. So I thought I'd bark in with a few suggestions:

Have you tried licking it?

When I have a bruise, cut or other medical problem, I lick it.

Licking it seems to help.

You humans have pathetically small tongues; So maybe you can't get a full lick in. In which case, I guess, you have a pretty bad problem.

Anyway, licking it is my suggestion. I think licking would help a lot.

My name is Coco. I am a dog, and I approve this message.

Pirates We Be

Arrrggg. Pirates we be.

My human with her patched eye and me with my peg paw are ready to seek adventure on the fabled seas of Labrador.

If only we had a cockatiel. A cockateil could eat the pages of the books on the shelves as we pirates of the Internet peddled our ideas.

BTW: My human made it home from the cataract surgery and is currently sleeping.

I wanted to go with my human to the surgery. I thought I could sit patiently by my human during the surgery.

A dog can be great help in surgery. For example, I could give the doctor a gentle nudge of encouragement as he starts the incision, or jump up and down on the nurses leg to make sure she passes the right scapel.

The AMA disapproves of dogs in the operating room for some reason that this dog has never understood.

Reluctant Seeing Eye Dog

This is scary.

My primary human is going under the knife today for cataract surgery. It is scary because if the doctor sneezes at the wrong time, then yours truly will be pressed into service as a seeing-eye-dog.

Seeing-eye-dogs are among the hardest workers of the canine family. Such dogs not only have to worry about themselves, but about the humans in the lead.

A good seeing-eye-dog spends their day fetching items for the blind human (fetching sounds fun … but blind people don't throw the Frisbee all that far, and my favorite part of fetch is running with abandon).

The hardest part of being a seeing-eye-dog is that dog is no longer free to aimlessly follow the intriguing smells that nature offers.

As a chocolate lab, I am partial to jumping into freezing cold ponds in the dead of winter. Were I pressed into service as a seeing-eye-dog, I would get demerits for leading my human into a freezing cold pond.

Hoping to avoid service as a seeing-eye-dog, I ask my readers to give their doggie prayers for a successful operation.

Acaninism

It has come to my attention that a growing number of people doubt the existence of dog. Denying the existence of dog is called "acaninism."

As a dog, I find this a disturbing trend and thought I should blog about ways to prove the existence of dog. I list below several signs that dog exists:

1. Dog barks.
2. Dog bites.
3. Dog nudges.
4. Dog poops.

So, if you feel the gentle nudge of a snout while you are sitting their watching your TV or reading your book; it is a sign dog exists. If you hear barking and yipping sounds in the neighborhood at night; It is a sign that dog exists. If you step in something on a trail that reeks to high heavens, that poop my just be a manifestation of dog. If you feel a sharp pain on your ankle when you carelessly walk by the "Beware of Dog" post; it is a sign that dog exists.

My name is Coco. I am a dog. I approve this message, and I exist.